gaysharks | but you force yourself to choose.

but you force yourself to choose.

[it was a pretty normal day for sousuke. well, as normal as it could get in a hellhole like haven. anyway- it was the pretty standard bump and grind for him. wake up, go out and scavenge for food, and survive. some of that was hard to do with the difficult curve balls haven would throw out at them all, but, you had to adapt to them in order to survive. and that's what sousuke was good at. adapting. especially since his arm wasn't that much of an issue with him anymore.

he woke up today as he normally would have any other day. as slowly as possible. the annoying alarm clock would beep at him annoyingly in an attempt to wake him up for the new day. nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he rolled out of bed. or, at least that's what he thought. he got out of bed, stood up, and stretched slowly.

as he did this he notices that the top bunk is actually occupied by someone (you bet your ass he took the bottom bunk after rin left.) else. and upon further notice he realizes that the person has the exact same hair color as his best friend....

hm....]

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His swimming wasn't anything on our level. And I didn't want you to chase after something that would end badly for you. [in regards to how haru viewed swimming. he didn't like races. he just swam to swim.] For the longest of times I didn't like the push and pull your friendship had, but I tolerate and respect it now. You preform better when you're racing against Nanase.

[and it may be frustrating to him that his racing never impacted you like his did.]

It's unlike you to feel so strongly about anybody.

[ other than... rin himself, which he hadn't considered until now. he rubs at the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable for no real reason at all. sousuke -- he spent so much time thinking about rin, and rin hadn't noticed a career-ending injury for nearly a year. ]

[in which this actually becomes super relevant.... anyway, he shrugs indifferently.] You're my friend and I've known about your dream since we were little. I know you have the ability to make it, and I know how frustrating it would be for you if you didn't. I didn't want you to waste your energy and effort chasing after someone who had no clue what they wanted to do with their life.

[ don't make me cry. ]

Thanks for looking out for me.

[ but it's still not enough to say just that, so rin - still wearing that discomfited expression - continues. ]

But Haru's the reason that I'm swimming again. Yeah, it took him some time to figure himself out -- but he was always going to go pro in the end. You said it. He makes me better.

[no you have to join me in this hell.]

If I don't then who will? [it takes a lot of energy/effort to look out for you you big balooga. anyway- he looks off to the side and grits his teeth a little.] I know.

[oops that came out a little to forceful... let's try that again. he sighs once more and looks off to the side.] I know. I don't like him, but I respect what he's able to do for you. [what he can't do.] Look, Rin, I'll never have that kind of.... friendship you have with him, if I'm being completely honest here I don't want it. In fact I'm perfectly fine with keeping thing the way they are right now.

[ ushering in the new year with crushing sourin feelings, great.

rin may not be able to read sousuke as well as vice versa, but that doesn't mean he can't see that this honestly bothers sousuke, no matter how mature he's being about this.

he hangs his head, feeling overwhelmed and not knowing how to express himself. not understanding why sousuke's making a big deal out of comparing their friendship with that rin shares with haru. ]

The hell is that supposed to mean. What kind of friendship do you think I have with him?

[he frowns.] Do I really have to spell it out for you?

[ he's frowning right back, completely at a loss. ]

I don't know, do you have to be cryptic as shit?

[but being a cryptic little shit makes his heart go round and round.] It means that I don't like Nanase because he's been able to do everything for you that I have and never will.

[you can't exactly push someone on in their career if you're no longer in it. sure you can push from the sidelines, but...]

[ and that has rin's expression twisting, anger at the forefront -- because that's how rin explodes. outwards, as loudly as possible. ]

Are you joking?

[ he steps forward, shoulders squared. into sousuke's space, as if he's ready for a fight. ]

You and Haru -- you're completely different, yeah. I wouldn't be swimming if it wasn't for Haru. He's a monster in the pool. But you -- Sousuke, we were friends even before you swam. It's not the same, of course it's not, but it's just as important. You're just as important to me.

[ and rin's not going to elaborate past that, because... well. ]

You get that, right?

[he's honestly not in the mood for a fight, so the moment rin steps into his space is when he takes a step backwards. he just got his friend back, he doesn't have the energy to spare to go through something this emotional.

his eyes widen a little whenever he hears rin speak up again. sometimes he has a hard time convincing himself that he means just as much as nanase. his shoulders sag a little as he sighs.] Sometimes... I have a hard time remembering that.

[ rin rears up, ready for another sharp response -- but then he deflates, seeing the look on sousuke's face. ]

I guess that's... fair. I didn't even notice your shoulder, and I call myself your best friend. [ his hand is back on his nape. he's never been able to kick that nervous gesture. ] I'll make it up to you.

[he sighs.] And I'll do my best to stay completely honest with you. [because he has a feeling that helps.....]

[ rin raises an eyebrow, nonplussed. ]

You're not gonna do your best, you're gonna do it. No other option.

Edited (shakes fist) 2015-01-01 03:55 (UTC)

Oh, okay. I see. I either do or I just do. [he nudges rin in the side.]

[ yeah, dude, you're not getting off that easily. ]

C'mon, don't be a jackass. I'm serious.

Be careful, Rin. I don't want to see you pop a blood vessel. [he knows tho. which is why he offers rin a tiny, apologetic smile a few seconds later.]

[ rin punches him in the shoulder, careful to choose the uninjured one. but there's a smile dragging at the corner of his mouth, too. ]

Once a jackass, always a jackass, I guess.

And you kiss your mother with that mouth? [he chuckles a little as he turns his arm a little.]

You've probably heard her say worse.

[ matsuoka mommy is the most liberal of the bunch. and "liberal" also applies to her liberal use of colorful speech.

speaking of... ]

She's kinda pissed that you've never gone home to see her, you know.

I actually don't think I have heard her say worse... [he rubs his chin thoughtfully.] And I've been... busy. I'll try to make time for that whenever we get out of here. [gotta visit his second mommy!]

Busy brooding in dark corners, you mean.

[ but rin lets him off the hook, knowing that sousuke won't want to get into all of that. again. ]

She was after Gou for awhile. [ and this brings genuine amusement to rin's face ] About you.

[he makes a face at that brooding in dark corners comments, but then quirks a brow.] What?

[ rin nudges sousuke forward, until he can slip past him and sit on the edge of his bed. asking permission? yeah right, who do you think he is. he pats the spot next to him. ]

Handsome, accomplished, close to the family already, blah blah blah. [ his grin widens, showing off his teeth. ] Pity, huh? If Gou actually liked you, we could've ended up as brothers.

[ rin's reaction had been... well. again, that's reaching into the territory of "things rin doesn't think about or so help me god" ]

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